SeeNayMa

A cryptic movie crossword :)

The Myriad Hues of the Seven-tees

Those were days when..........
Bell bottoms and Hot pants merged with aplomb,
There was always an Indian guru who would guide the westerner,
Engineering grads were few and far apart ,
Every teenager tried draping colour around his tube-light and do a light sabre act ,
The sideburns and the polka dot saree were a closely knit so-see-all fabric,
You could use your ink pen without giving a damn about carrying the rubber,
Dictators were more known for their dick adventures and oratory guiles ,
The crests were airier and chests hairier,
Rock could be used with a myriad of prefixes and still be rocking,
Hippies were thought of the real pin ups of rebel,
Porn was left deep buried in the oldest of cupboards,
India’s politicians were not reaching the 13 figure scams,
The calypso kings ruled cricket without t donning helmets,
‘Love Story’-the novel and Exorcist-the cassette lived together in the same closet,
The Ambassador meant a style statement and little kids flocked the vehicle where it traversed, Many storms were there in a coup,
Zeenat Aman ensured that sex was something more than two flowers shaken and stirred,
A lot of profanity by players ensured Tennis was stain-ish,
Music was jolly ear-gasming,
Spectacle frames were the grooviest,
25 marks koschens ensured that the highest in the board would get only 70% of the marks,
War and peace was served cold on the rocks,
Vietnam was scarred but Nixon got water-gated,
A rags to riches story was there in every family,
C and IC were the 2 most important letters born at that time,
Radio was a ranting it loud thing,
Grass was a lot browner and smoking hot,
Stairway to heaven and Highway to hell were the only gates to Moksha,
Mutton was a lot purer
and the beauty was limited to the Lux and the Lifebuoys.....

A Spainoage

Owe it to Spanish and Catalonian dialects for they have given the world some of the best surprises and path breaking traditions that are now celebrated in aplombJ. They thought that vanilla looks like a little pod/sheath and then thought of the next most obvious pictorially similar object- lo and behold they ended up with naming a poor, reticent organ L
In the erstwhile days of the expeditions, Spanish conquistadors broke waters and set off for places to stamp authority- be it decimating the population and keeping the Moai statues in Easter island or ravaging the South American hinterlands for the mysterious El DoradoL. Its true that they have given the world the pleasure of the ‘siesta’ and muscle pouring sportspersons but we can always call them a Sporty race- as a stark contrast to the (epitomes of etiquette)-Italy,(the amorous)- French,(the quarrelsome)-Portugal and (the nefarious)-Germany.
Among some traditions that have left the world in true shock and awe are the likes of Tio de Nadal (beating the shit out of a wooden log during Christmas) , the Caganer dolls(Pooping items), Matadors and the in-vogue TomatinaJ. Even their association with football has kept the world at bay-The Barcelona's the Real Madrid's have stamped global presence and won many a vignette space. It is beyond a 20 something mortal like me to understand the Spanish traditions but I can safely say that they are a class who love out of the box analogies and free spiritJ

Te Quero :D

The Men who stare at 'walls'

With the spate of networking and so-see-all media, the Netizens are right in the centre of a piñata of information overdose. Every other day we begin our days, lazily reaching to the facebook and twitter tabs and dilate our sleep deprived pupils to the tiny red balloons popping as notifications or by amazing the self at the number of re-tweets and tweetbacks. Spam, a condensation of Spiced Ham has radically transformed its implications in the virtual world and each day I am amazed at how the vicarious appetite is satisfied by scores and dozens of heavily morphed images, plethora of links and Photoshop that would have made painters droop down ! The one image that created a lot of buzz these few days was an image of a Gandhi-esque person shaking a leg with a Lady; No doubt it became an instant hit with the users and rampant wordplay, sarcasm and remarks followed with shares reaching astronomical proportions! I, having seen life for over 2 and a quarter decade, am amazed at the sudden burst of rods and cones discharge that the people seem to possess. Echoing the words of Forrest Gump, “Mama said Life is a box of chocolates...U never know what you are going to get...”, I feel that people no longer believe in luck, happening and the vicissitudes of fate. What has caught attention, release it, pump it out- seems to be the order of the day.

Now moving on to the literati, an expectation of “At least they must have sense” seeps in..but to be squirted out violently a little later. A lot of Rants, XYZ Tips, Dude hain? Seem to defile the very basics of English and intend to defame and mock at every drop of a hat. Even the multitude of competitions in all the media require an essential component: the ‘LIKES’ and re-tweets. I wonder in what way does it promote or encourage customer acquisition, as a parallel I see it as a levy which was prevalent during a despotic ruler’s regime- Pay to make Hay! The freedom is speech is another tenet which our forefathers thought up but only led to killing the social equity by opening a can of worms- I won’t demean a speech, but shouldn’t you realise that the bayonet must be along with the proper fusillade. Making a hue and cry is passé, now the taking a cue and fry seems to be the perfect rhyming fitJ

Among other rants and ramblings I feel this change has had only 2 beneficiaries
1) the quizzers- those who know everything about nothing (or at least feign)
2) The cunning linguists- the wordy wise class J

Just imagine our days of yore- the Siddharth Basu’s radio histrionics or the ‘Mixed bag’ rounds of BQC- quizzing was always for the elite and erudite, people read lots, talked lots and gained lots. The corruption came with the onset of KBC and boy! That corrupted quite a few. Suddenly parents bought a lot of quiz books, children knew more about really nothing. Tell me in what world is knwing the etymological origin of ”quintessential” going to help me if I don’t even know how to spell it! So there arose the so called ‘quiznuncs’- who have managed to veil ignorance under a plethora of useless braggarts and mindless information. The forums and groups of so-see-all networks seem to be the idyllic haven- lots of free plagiarism and fake go ogle plus winning appreciation. Every odd quizzing club has developed its business wings, only an icarus would kill their so called grey cell overdose- Just look at how many are deprived of basic education and quizzers go around, reserving hotels and vain boasting in avenuesL
The other people are the wordy wise, the cunning linguists who live on wordplay and sir chasm, lampooning at every possible opening. I somehow feel that these are the people who will help make a ‘name’ and at some point of time and will be proclaimed as the ‘write’ guys left in the country. I somehow seem to back the ‘words worth’ than keep lingering the elephant with ‘master debater’ skills. Of late ‘Aunty-Climax’, ‘Henopause’, ‘Maalnourished’, The Big ‘Bhaang’ theory etc have flocked quite a media space. I am a devotee of this art and would love to get sarcastic at every opportunity.
“ The Karnataka Ministers suffered from Osteopornosis- a degenerate disease” was a very popular tweet and brought about a cheer to many and even a tear to the concerned!
Life has always been the topsy turvy coaster ride- things come and go and the annals of history have blamed humans to adapt and survive. In lieu of this verbiage, this acerbic satire- I end with a question.....
“ If apes evolved into humans, why are there still apes- in the form that we see them?”
The answer lies within

Frooti and Nutty

Dear Fruitcake,

From being a sour grape to ripening into unleashing the grapes of wrath I have seen it all and gone plum crazy in love. Fate kicked me in the nuts, upset my apple cart and made me go bananas after I landed in banana republic. After spending my formative years there, I grew nutty and developed a disposition cool as a cucumber. I studied hard, managed to blare my Adam’s apple aloud and found a job at the big apple. There I craved more for the cakewalk with you alongside, but they fed me an apple a day to keep the doctor away and I ended up using my savings over buying lemons. But the imaginary seeds of the real love can never be forgotten, I will come over to your place this weekend and I hope you will bear fruits of my loins by allowing me to bend you over the fig barrel. I agree Life is a bowl of cherries and if it’s pure cherry picking you want then be assured that my love can let you compare apples and oranges.

From Pinacola Das

HullaBollywoo :P

Bollywood 2011-Ode and kudos

1) No 1 killed Jessica
Worthier title: Femme Pro’fan’ity
Weird quotient: The movie defined Justice in a new sense Just‘Fire’ seemed more apt with Rani’s verbal histrionics and Vidya’s relentless acts.
Memories: The scene in which an about-to-indulge-Rani halts a love maker. Quietus Interruptus J

2) Dhobi Ghaat
Worthier title: Fourplay at the not-so-Tinsel town
Weird Quotient: Looks like they have deleted some words from the saying “dhobi ka kutta na ghar ka na ghat ka”J to make it a title
Memories: Not much except Aamiresque “Thinking man” posture

3) Saat Khoon Maaf
Worthier title: Pyaarabnormal Activity
Weird quotient: It was used freely by the free press to highlight budget 2011L
Memories: Keemat Lal’s (Annu Kapoor) Via agra-esque appetite leading to his doomJ

4) Dum Maro Dum
Worthier title: Cast, Sting, Dope, Rope Blues
Weird Quotient: Did Deepika’s iTem ensure a sequel ? Could have very well included Dev Anand in a scene L
Memories: Goa- “Liqour cheap, women cheaper” promo and the bad man named Biscuta...LolJ

5) F.A.L.T.U
Worthier title: R.O.F.L (the title is open to the sequelJ)
Weird Quotient: It released on Apr 1, Fooly F.A.L.T.U conceptJ
Memories: Google Chand’s efforts in setting up the university

6) Haunted
Worthier title: Bhoot.Rewind.Forward
Weird Quotient: The longest rape in history- 75 years. The movie also reaffirmed faith that every ghost is modelled after horcruxes nowadaysJ
Memories: The vase-blow-actJ; prompting a grim rapist on the loose

7) Ready
Worthier title: Spoiler Alert
Weird quotient: Pants-are new extras, they seem to portray quite a lot of emotions-DhinkaChickaJ
Memories: The good old sms flooding with Jawaan Sheela vs Character Dheela....

8) Shaitan
Worthier Title: None, by far the pick of 2011
Weird quotient: Hummers, Accident, Drugs, Deceit and Kal-ki actress
Memories: Epic rendition of Khoya Khoya Chand and the peppy Hawa Hawaii. Forceful performances by the entire cast.

9) Delhi Belly
Worthier title: Heist meets love meets lust meets Boss, D.K
Weird quotient: The first movie in which an actor has been brave enough to be a ‘cunning linguist’ quitting the ‘master debater’ role :P
Memories: The orange juice wiping solution, the banana peeling via the knife at the table and lots of obsceneties J

10) Murder2
Worthier title: Layman and Blademaniac
Weird quotient: We expected skin, got leather. The movie was weird in a sense that he picked prostitutes and did not do the sexpected needful. Sunny Leone is next and we can expect more/less
memories: The gaping wide mouth in the promos :o

11) Singham
Worthier title: Power.Full
Weird quotient: The movie was Ajay’s biggest hit ! Apparently Chennai Super Kings have sued the Movie’s posters
Memories: The I-got-out-of-a-moving-Scorpio-defying-(mv^2/r) act

12) Bodyguard
worthier title: colosSAL-MAN
Weird quotient: For a change Salman donned a formal attire for most of the movie. Wonder if Sunny Deol would have been a good choice?
memories: The so called twist in the tail, whats, whys and how the F’s are left for the audience to fathom

13) Ra one
worthier title: Quit playing games for our heart
Weird quotient: How do you expect the not so kids to enjoy this ? Even the kids complained that Arjun Rampal, the emotionless vaudeville was actually a Ra-bot L
Memories: The only thing we are not looking forward is a sequel named Ra.ttU

14) Rockstar
Worthier title: Pal, Lung tod
Weird quotient: The movie revolved on the Rockstar’s proclivity to indulge in a kiss and somehow in the end we see that he has fathered. Junglee Jawan, bhak sala
memories: The songs, the million odd facebook obituaries and Ranbir claiming it was his bestest role :P

15) Dirty picture
Worthier title: Picture this, Dirty
Weird quotient: N.D Tiwari, the scandalous octagenarian would have been the perfect one-actor-fitting all against Vidya Baloon...oops
Memories: Blousy.Lousy.Arousy.period

16) Don 2
worthier title: Don’T(wo)
Weird Quotient: How could Duggu be that generous? What happened to Don’s Ducati at the end(How did they move from the bridge) ? Isha, Lara who’s next...........:o
Memories: The car chase, the clichés, the heist.RIP